MURMUR

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• Roland Barthes (1915/11/12~1980/3/25)

The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism.New York: London, 2001. 1466-70.

(1466) In his story Sarrasine Balzac, describing a castrato disguised as a woman, writes the following sentence: "This was woman herself, with her sudden fears, her irrational whims, her instinctive worries, her impetuous boldness, her fussings, and her delicious sensibility." Who is speaking thus? Is it the hero of the story bent on remaining ignorant of the castrato hidden beneath the woman? Is it Balzac the individual, furnished by his personal experience with a philosophy of Woman? Is it Balzac the author professing "literary" ideas on femininity? Is it universal wisdom? Romantic psychology? We shall never know, for the good reason that writing is the destruction of every voice, of every point of origin. Writing is that neutral, composite, oblique space where our subject slips away, the negative where all identity is lost, starting with the very identity of the body writing.

脫皮了以後，人是不是也會跟著脫胎換骨？

關於五個月前的自己，甚至七、八個月前的那個衝動的自己，懊惱責怪無濟於事，也無法否認自己。怎麼會那樣愚蠢天真地相信呢？連現在的自己都不敢置信。而受了傷的自己，連療傷哭泣都失去能力，只有自責不已。

脫了皮以後，一定要變得煥然一新才是呀！這樣勉勵自己。

桐花＠平溪
2008/05/03
Photo by Jane

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不知為何，上週四右耳又開始耳悶，整個塞住了，非常難過。週五早上起床竟然右邊鼻孔無預警地流血，耳悶更嚴重了，而且扁桃腺整個腫痛，只好請了一個小時病假去看了耳鼻喉科。醫生說是鼻咽管影響到耳咽管造成的，耳膜看起來完整沒受傷。拿了三天份的藥回來吃，果然一吃見效，下午就沒耳悶了，可是整個人全身無力，好想睡啊～

雖然如此，最近還是看了不少電影。要趕進度清硬碟空間啊！

【Notes on a Scandal】 是部有點沈悶的電影，兩個演技女星飆戲，劇情有些老套。 老實說，電影中 Judi Dench 因為 Cate Blanchett 不肯陪她去醫院收死去寵物的屍體而扯她後腿實在是太不成熟了，不過像這種先取得別人信任進而掌握把柄在手上的事情，在社會上是時有耳聞，也不能說是誰對誰錯。 看完的感想是，獨身的老女人好可怕啊！自己以後老了會不會變成那樣子呢？！