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Aww...watched de c0untd0wn pt 0n chnnl 8. w00h00. jeanette aw t00k away 4 places am0ng de 8 f0r m0st p0pular characters. isnt she great? w0a. she did n0t let me d0wn since she has me supp0rt since 2004 0r 2005. haha. w00. jyjy!

2nd day 0f new yr n im p0stin dis. haha. arent i lag? haha. i can tell u, i stil miss my headf0ne v.much. haiz. arent i v.unlucky? haiz.

2 m0re days t0 sk00l re0pen. i demand my h0lz back. grr. 1 day 0f luxury, 10 days 0f w0rk. pathetic. life ish all b0ut w0rk, isnt it? n h0w many in dis w0rld can get a j0b dat dey enj0y? n0t many? hmm. haiz. its all bec0z 0f m0ney. grr.

i felt weird when nakata ask me whether i haf F.T island album when i was at de p0lice p0st, makin a rep0rt. T.T argh. i t0t she wanted t0 get de s0ngs fr0m me. but when i l0gged in t0 msn lata at nite, she said dey t0t 0f givin me F.T island's c0l0urful sensibility album f0r my bday present. i rly h0pe dat dey did n0t remember my bday. n i h0pe dat dey wud d0 nth 0n dat day. it rly wud make me feel better. im happy even th0ugh dere's 0nly my family members remember my bday. i d0 n0t nid present if ppl r givin it f0r de sake 0f givin. i dun mind n0 presents at all. im juz happy dat i stil haf my family. anyway its juz bday. its de same as every 0ther day, isnt it? l0l?

18 yrs. i've wasted 18 yrs 0f my life. haiz. im 0ld. antique, maybe. l0l.

fers day 0f 2009! argh. i was reminded 0d de 2nd last day 0f 2008. went t0 bed0k bus interchange, Mac. placed my bag 0n de chair, went away t0 buy lunch n it was g0ne when i went back t0 de table. de 3 malay gerls beside us said dat a guy t00k my bag n left. T.T we went t0 l00k f0r de manager n dey said dat dere ish n0 cctv in their sh0p n dat dey r n0t resp0nsible f0r dat. my bag c0ntains my h0use keys n my new headf0ne which c0st me $58! i juz br0ught it 0ut 0nce! T.T isnt it a bad end t0 2008? i miss my headf0ne v.much n 0f c0urse my bag. my mummy b0ught it f0r me n was quite ex. T.T

when i was travellin h0me, received a msg fr0m my sis. she said dat my mum was retrenched. g0sh! her c0mpany ish cl0sin d0wn dis mnth n she ish w0rkin t0 next tues, a v.imp0rtant day t0 me. wy muz everytin happen at de end 0f de yr. we r supp0sed t0 celebrate n welc0me a new yr. but wad can we d0 n0w? celebrate? l0l?

since its a new yr, everytin ish a new start. but i haf t0 say i rly miss my headf0ne! i didn even haf tym t0 kiss it g00dbye. T.T

3 m0re days t0 a new year. everyb0dy seems excited b0ut it. ppl welc0me de new year. but hu wil l00k at dis in a diff way, by sending 0ff de current year. we 0waes l00k f0rward t0 de new year n f0rget b0ut de current. isnt it unfair t0 de current year? 0.0

anyway, i've wasted 31,190,400 sec0nds 0f my life. it passed rly fast. i was stil tryin t0 catch up wid tym but its g0in t0 end s00n. pathetic huh? dere r many tings i wanted t0 d0. but i did nth. n im gr0wing 0lder day by day, nearer t0 de end 0f everytin. wy n0t everytin juz stay as it ish, n0b0dy wil die n n0 m0re new lives added t0 de earth. wudnt it be g00d? dere's n0 end. isnt dat wad we human r l00kin f0rward t0?

juz finished watchin Fated T0 L0ve Y0u. dere was a part which ish quite t0uchin, de part whr de female lead l0st her baby in an accident. she t0t dat de male lead did n0t want de baby but he actually wanted it.

0s0 dis few days, my mum's fren juz n0ticed dat her baby died in her tummy. she had been wanting it f0r b0ut 5 yrs. nn0w she finally has it but it died. at dis p0int 0f tym when i was d0in dis bl0ggie, it shud be her turn f0r ab0rti0n.

wad i wan t0 say ish t0 cherish wad ish fated t0 be urs (it may n0t be a baby, 0f c0urse. its juz an example, haha). but when it d0esnt bel0ngs t0 u, let g0 0f it n tings dat bel0ngs t0 u wil c0me t0 u when its tym.

Ppl hu i rly dislyk, includin 0f s0me wh0m i rly hate.

-inc0nsiderate   -selfish   -latec0mers, esp d0se hu 0s0 make me late  

-ask me t0 eat faster (c0z i rly cant, its n0t dat i dun wan)   -ask me t0 eat m0re (c0z when i say im full, i mean it)   -hyp0crites

-act cute   -act c00l   -ask me t0 change h0w i l00k (c0z i haf been trying n rly cant. if u wan t0 be my fren, u haf t0 accept wad i m)

-ppl hu d0esnt believe wad i say   -ppl hu eat t00 much ( i mean rly t00 much)   -f0rce me t0 d0 tings which i dun feel lyk d0in

w00h00! went t0 fahrenheit's c0ncert. wahahaha. free tics n de tics c0st 168 wid0ut sistic charge 0f an0ther 3 d0llars! erm, s0rry 4HM 2007 b0ut missing de BBQ. haha.

since it was my fers tym g0in t0 dis type 0f c0ncert, n0t including 0f de S.H.E 0ne, i had quite a l0t 0f expectati0n. we went dere quite early n queued up th0 dere were n0t many ppl. n de m0st t00pid ting ish dat we sat a de wr0ng seats. when we sat dere, 3 gerls fr0m M******* came n sat in fr0nt 0f us. 0ne 0f them ish taller den me n twice de size 0f me. de m0st suay ting ish she sat rite in fr0nt 0f me! she didn realise dat she was bl0cking de wh0le 0f my view. grr. n0t 0nly dat, she asked her frens t0 help her buy f00d. when she was sitting d0wn, we saw dat she nearly g0t stuck c0z de chair ish t00 small f0r her. grr.

den dere were tw0 ladies t0ld us dat we sat at de wr0ng place. sh0 we m0ved away, n were rly happy as 0ur seats r at de fr0nt. i was rly cheering in my heart.

but n0e wad? de bitch fr0m c**** g0t a whistle. when we enter de stadium, we were actually ask n0t t0 bring in a whistle. n dat f****** bitch actually brought in 0ne. besides, she g0t rly high n blew de whistle wid all her might. sh0 thr0ugh0ut de c0ncert, i haf t0 c0ver my ears n u n0e, it rly hurts. (list 0f vulgarities). but i was quite happy as when fahrenheit menti0ned dat dere r fans fr0m Singap0re, Malaysia, K0rea, Japan, Thailand n Hong Kong but did n0t menti0n c****! wahahaha! i l0ved fahrenheit ever since, kisses! n dat rly shut dat bitch up. wakakakaka! n during de end 0f de c0ncert, my sis saw a fan (which was given t0 everyb0dy. dere r names 0f fahrenheit's member on it.) 0n de fl00r. since it was br0ken, she threw it away. n t0 my surprise, it bel0ngs t0 dat bitch! haha. when everyb0dy leave de stadium, she was stil l00kin f0r it. 0mg! i was damn happy!

but 0n de wh0le, de c0ncert ish stil 0ki th0 i find it t00 sh0rt. aar0n ish rly shuai.

w00. went t0 sent0sa ytd. it has been yrs since i last went dere. we went t0 viv0 n st00d dere w0ndering h0w t0 buy de tics f0r s0me tym n realised dat de machine f0r purchasing de tics r juz behind us. d0tz. when we reached sent0sa, we dr0pped 0ff de m0n0rail at de beach stn. n de way we dressed r rly n0t suitable f0r dat place. haha. th0 we went dere early, we spent de fers h0ur waiting f0r de tram t0 sil0s0 beach which ish rly n0t suitable as m0st ppl went dere t0 play v0lleyball. haiz.

i remembered de luge very clearly. it was fun th0 i did n0t speed. haha. as we had a l0w budget, we even brought 0ur 0wn bread. cheap0. haha.

haiz deres pian0 less0n lata. it rly sp0il my h0lz l0. juz started t0 enj0y my h0lz n it came 0ut 0f a sudden. havent even prepared f0 de less0n. (tellin myself, n0 vulgarities). grrr.

ytd was de fers tym i step int0 ind0nesia n by ferry, wavemaster 6. haha. initially i was quite w0rried i wud get seasick as de ferry ish small. n st0pped juz beside de cruise! sh0 de c0ntrast ish rly big. when i was 0ut at de sea, i expected t0 c all water n ships but, i saw islands. grr. maybe i shud g0 0ut t0 de 0cean? maybe. haha. n de ting ish dat when i alighted, de p0rt 0f batam, harb0ur bay, was m0ving c0z 0f de wave n all 0f us did n0t expect it. we t0t dat its bc0z we l0st 0ur balance. we clung t0 each 0ther n were sh0 ps. 00ps.

we went 0n a car t0 de sh0pping mall. i n0ticed dat m0st 0f de cars were t0y0ta! 0.0 but t0 my surprise, i saw mt dream car! skyline! w0a! 0ki. self c0ntr0l. i realised dat de r0ad at batam l00ked scary. dere r n0 curbs n when deres a traffic light, i didn even realise its existence. de cars were changing lanes whenever dey feel lyk by juz stretching 0ut their arms. n when we st0pped at de traffic lights, dere were ppl c0ming t0 0ur car, kn0ckin 0n de wind0w, askin f0r m0ney. we did n0t give dem any as de uncle said dat s0metyms if u give t0 0ne, de rest wud 0s0 c0me askin f0r it.  

since im in IAD, lemme t0k b0ut buildings t00. haha. kind 0f b0ring here huh? hm. when i reached harb0ur bay, de p0rt was 0ki. de cleanliness was maintained. but deres water p0lluti0n. fr0m de p0rt, we cud actually c quatter settlements a dist away. n u shud n0e h0w dey discharge their waste. sh0 when we were 0n b0ard de ferry, we might be sitting 0n s0metin which we d0 n0t wan t0 n0e. al0ng 0ur way t0 de sh0pping mall, we saw many m0re quatter settlements. their living c0nditi0ns are n0t rly g00d. dey were cramped n n0 hygiene was 0bserved. even when dere r buildings, de paint was falling 0ff. n i saw dat de c0lumns 0f de buildings are tearing apart due t0 de sinking 0f de land. many 0f de sh0ph0uses are empty as m0st ppl cud n0t aff0rd t0 buy 0ne 0r even rent 0ne. when i was at de sh0pping mall, de architecture was slightly better. th0 de sh0pping malls r big, dere r n0t many cust0mers.unlyk sg, de st0res r near t0 each 0ther spaces were fully utilised, dey haf many empty spaces n dere r stores which r empty.

0n 0ur way t0 a seaf00d 'retaurant' we went int0 de settlement. de h0uses r filled wid mud. dere were taxis n m0t0rcycles everywhr. we had t0 drive carefully thru as de drivers d0 n0 signal even when st0pping. al0ng de r0ad, we saw children playin baref00ted 0n de mud. even th0 it was rainning, dey did n0t mind. i remembered de uncle menti0ned dat de exmas r nearing. h0wever, de children d0es n0t seem t0 care b0ut it. when i saw dis, i realised dat i was actually very f0rtunate.

0n 0ur way back h0me, we t00k de ferry again. we t00k de ferry at 5.45pm at batam, which ish 6.45pm in sg. de wave was bigger. it was rather scary as de ferry felt lyk it wud sink if de wave gets bigger n luckily, it did n0t dats wy im stil p0stin dis. n ye, my c0us asked me dis qn. wy dere r n0 sharks 0r d0lphins jumping 0ut 0f de water? n i asked her dis qn. wy dere r n0 penguins jumping 0ut 0f de water?

went t0 visit p0r p0r recently. realised dat she ish sh0 different fr0m de past. when i stepped int0 my uncle's hse, i saw p0r p0r sitting 0n de s0fa, staring blankly at de televisi0n. when we tried t0 t0k t0 her, she wud juz ans sh0rtly. previ0usly, she wud haf a l0t 0f tings t0 t0k b0ut. she wud even play wid me. but n0w, she d0esnt even wan t0 chat.

ytd, my mum called her and realised dat she was panting. it seems dat she d0esnt feel very well. h0wever when asked, p0r p0r wud 0waes say dat she's 0ki. we kn0w dat she d0esnt wan t0 w0rry us but little did she n0e dat by d0in dis, she w0rried us m0re. i juz wish t0 haf de past p0r p0r back, h0pe dat she wud be well again. ship0.

hm. juz said dat i wanted t0 p0st s0metin p0sitive. haiz. rly cant tink 0f anytin p0sitive. but s0metyms i d0 w0nder, wy be happy when it last f0r 0nly a few sec0nds? wy 0ur parents give birth t0 us n make us face de up n d0wns i life n finally death? when ppl haf cancer, wy d0 dey receive treatment when dey r stil g0in t0 die? its juz dere t0 pr0l0ng de t0rment 0f pain. human ish rly a w0nder. we d0 everytin f0r nth.

after g0in thru all dis, i came t0 dis c0nclusi0n, life isnt a game n0r a sh0w. its nth. n0b0dy 0wn their life. but heaven d0es. sh0, hey friends! we r c0ntr0lled, juz lyk de characters dat u c0ntr0lled in games! interesting huh.

Nakata! if u c dis bl0g, dis p0st ish specially meant f0r u!

when i fers 0pen up ur letter, de fers t0t dat came int0 my mind was, U R DAMN L0NG-WINDED! haha (sry b0ut dat c0mment, but i mean it). n ye. when i said i tried vhard t0 f0rget b0ut ur bday, i rly mean it t00. initially, i t0t i f0rg0t. but i f0und dat it has 0ready became s0metin dat ish imp0ssible f0r me t0 f0rget. u shud n0e dat i mind de fact dat th0ugh 0ur friendship has been 5 yrs but u remember my bday 0nly n0w. it's n0t t00 late c0z i n0e dat 0ur friendship c0ntains 0f many 5 yrs. at least u manage t0 remember it in de fers 5 yrs.

0h ye. i 0s0 remember u c0mmenting 0n my bl0g. u said it makes u sad whenever u read. sh0 n0w im g0in t0 change, at least f0r dis p0st. heh heh. i ch0se ur fav c0l0ur, purple. n i dedicated dis p0st t0 u! c0z i wanted t0 make it kn0wn t0 0thers dat, i understand de meaning 0f BEST. n0w im g0in t0 ann0unce dat u r my BESTFRIEND t00!

s0metyms, unkn0wingly, i wud be reminded 0f de crazy tings we did. slping beside de lake, thr0wing s0ccer balls int0 de lake n wait f0r it t0 fl0w back, p0n wushu n stay in de creepy classr00ms t0 play, studyin t0gether, buying t0ns 0f want0ns, sprayin water wid nike water b0ttles which c0ntains water fr0m water c00ler. i tried t0 l00k f0r friends hu can d0 all dis stuff wid me but juz realise dat i cud nvr find an0ther 0ne wid0ut being called childish. 5 yrs 0f friendship, sh0rt, n0t kn0wn t0 many ppl but it c0ntains mem0ries made by us, wid sweat n tym. dese mem0ries seems t0 be kept in a safe 0wned by 0nly de 2 0f us n de passw0rd 0wned by 0nly US!

i w0ndered, wy isit u n me, n0t wid j0 0r sx. maybe i 0wed u in my previ0us life? but i h0pe de 0pp0site. i wish dat we 0we each 0ther dis life n we wil meet again in de next life t0 repay 0ur debt. th0ugh i 0waes were angry wid u f0r being late but im g0in t0 tell u dis, u haf de privilege. n yes 0nly f0r u!

i t0t i cud finally haf kfc breakfast. my parents wanted t0 buy me dat n i cud d0 my m0del.

but during de m0rning, my aunt called. dey said pp0r p0r ish havin a fever n cud n0t c0ntr0l her bladder. my mum was sh0 w0rried n rushed d0wn t0 my aunt's hse. when my mum saw her 'slping' 0n de fl00r, dhe tried t0 wake her up sh0 dat dey cud bring her t0 de h0spital. but when tryin t0 d0 dat, my mum cudn't wake her up. th0ugh she was sn0ring, she's n0t slping. her m0uth slanted. her saliva was all 0ver de gr0und. her shirt n pants r wet c0z she cud n0t c0ntr0l her bladder. her hands n legs r pale n c0ld. she was in a c0ma.

my c0us called an ambulance. the medics said dat her gluc0se lvl was way t00 l0w (nr0mal lvl 8-10, my grandma's was 1.18). as de medics gave her drip n injecti0n, dey ask my mum t0 keep t0kin t0 her, nvr t0 let her slp. lucky she w0ke up. my mum said we cud n0t imagine wad wud happen t0 her it dey arrive at my aunt's hse an h0ur 0r tw0 lata.

dis ish de 2nd tym in dis mnth my grandma was h0spitalised. isit bc0z she's rly 0ld? i h0pe n0t. her tym t0 enj0y life has juz began...pls get thru dis p0r p0r, pls...

  0mg have been neglecting my bl0ggie f0r t00 l0ng. heh heh. trying t0 revive it.

  hm. i 0nce heard dat dere's 0ne magical drink. drink it al0ne, it tastes bitter. drink it wid an0ther pers0n, it tastes sweet. drink it wid an0ther tw0 pers0n, it tastes h0rrid. g0t de gist 0f it? n0? kwanchanay0.

  n0w, i reali understand h0w it feels when he set his eyes 0n 0ther gerls. i may say its 0ki t0 me but u nvr n0e. :) < i f0rced it.i 0s0 really n0e wy s0meb0dy wud ch0se n0t t0 lyk 0thers at de start. it ish t0 prevent endings. im l00kin f0rward t0 dat kind 0f lifestyle.