People who had the similar personality traits: Plato, Gandhi, and ... (I forgot).

I found this article sitting in my file folder for a few years. It was intended as a personal reply to my dear sister Kat. My sister Kat is a sweet heart. She is working in education as a manager for an after-school centre. She also inherited the stubborn family traits. In fact, she is probably the one who has most of my mother’s good characteristics. I realized that I am not really that good at writing in Chinese. It actually took me hours to type an article like this. Sadly, when we don’t use the language skill, we lose it eventually.

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Date: 31 Dec 2006 23:20:31 -0800

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>Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Julia's old blog":

Hi,我是你的二妹,同樣為孩子盡心盡力的人,我想老天爺對於人類所經歷的"得到"與"失去"絕對是公平的.我很佩服你總是可以control everything by yourself,而我們一直是隨著命運的安排來過生活,所以,那天我很感慨的告訴LISA,爸跟媽只有生"膽"給你和RICHARD,也許是這樣,所以我們姐妹兩人工作穩定卻生活平淡.-你的童年真是多彩多姿,雖是同ㄧ家人,卻令我生羨,相信這段時間即使再忙的你,都有辦法做得稱職,May god bless you加油喽!!!!

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給二妹的回信：

我不敢自稱我為孩子們盡心盡力，但是這裹和台灣一樣有太多孩子及家庭教育問題。不同的是中國人對傳統士大夫還有點尊敬，但是這裹有些學生和家長可沒這麼好的態度。我只是耍嘴皮子兼宣揚孔夫子意識(hehehe)，鼓勵他們用功學習是我的責任，讓我的學生知道 “正面的學習態度”和 “完成高級教育”是他們能跳出貧窮的一條出路。想想看，他們的家庭有很多己經好幾代都是靠領取救濟金過日子，家裹從沒有人上過大學或專科學院，如果有高中畢業就算不錯了。這些孩子如果沒有學校支持，他們一但到中學便很快就輟學。但是話說回來，並不是每個人都感謝學校的付出或意識到學校教育的重要性。不管是國內或海外，現代教育有時是令人灰心的，我只能偶爾寫一些輕鬆點的報導，以自我調遣的方式以作鼓勵。寫作是給你們瞭解我的近況，而不是自我宣揚。

千萬不耍佩服我可以have everything under my control，我可沒有你想像中的那麼從容自在，只不過在外太多事得一切得靠自己。你以為我的生活事業可隨心所慾，那你就完全不瞭解我了！ 也許我們真的願意相信在冥冥之中老天爺會有安排，但是千百萬不要一直認為只有 “你們” 是隨著命運的安排來過生活，其實每個人都是在老天爺的安排之下過日子。只不過在生命的過程中，每個人做不同的決定，選擇不同的路。每人不同的選擇的結果造成不是公平的過程，有時命運變得多波折，這是很殘酷現實的。很多人總認為自已的命運坎坷，別人的命較好。事實上，即使是社會賢達，幾乎每個人都有一段無法告知全世界的難處。

你提起“我的童年真是多彩多姿”，你似乎認為我的童年不同於你的。再深入想想，我們是在同一個家庭長大的，我的童年和你的童年的生活環境是一樣地! (除非你有另一個家,Hahaha)

我記得你總是比較聰明用功又美麗，一年級就當了班長，你又是排球隊隊員。雖然爸媽年輕時養四個孩子很辛苦，至少我們的父母待我們平等，沒有所謂重男輕女或偏心(雖然小時我常以為我是阿嬤領養的因為我被留在嘉義)，至少他們也豉勵我們用功念書。我的國一和國二也許很風光，但是在音樂班的代價是很大。三年國中在大理念的很辛苦，心理壓力很大，我老是在班上當升學班的最後一名(我寧可到放牛班當第一名) 。當時我對升學到公立中學是沒甚信心。搬家到古亭後又要通車，壓力很大，所以一心只想能上銘傳五專我就自由了。只是我沒你聰明，所以高中吊車尾到復興高中。但是因為爸媽無法負擔私立銘傳五專的學費，所以當時我唯一的升學方法就只有繼續拼公立學校，高中聯考我算是幸運，多了四分而上公立復興高中。

在復興高中時我就知道我要考上大學不容易，因為我是最低分上高中的。更何況就算考上了大學，爸媽也無法負擔我的學費。高中反而是如魚得水，碰見了幾個生命難得的好友。高中就近政戰，公立軍校免費，所以我一直接受教官指導想上軍校。可惜近視太深，所以夜間部是一直在後補計劃之中。

事實上我知道我是家中第一個上大學的孩子，可是現實問題是爸媽並沒有經濟能力。第一學年大學的學費是爸媽向阿嬤借的(我想大概也就是間接從小姑借來) 。之後我的學費都是向銀行學生貸款、或清寒學生獎學金、或打工薪水來完成大學學業。也許我賺得沒你多，但回顧過去，我的大學生活和你的也沒大不同。我賺的錢也不是只給自己，同時也要幫媽扶家，因為Richard和Lisa當時都上私立高中。他們也都很懂事的打工幫忙貼補家用。想想如果爸媽連我的公立高中學費都有問題，他們那裹能負擔兩個私立大學和高中。

我們兩人經過類似的教育環境和過程，我唯一和你不同的是我能就近能參與社團活動。我也參與很多救國團的活動，因為我可以帶團打工兼旅行。由於救國團的經歷讓我能找到帶團到國外及會議公司的工作。我的經歷就這樣的由點成線而成型。我比較幸運嗎？也許吧！但這一切的一切都是努力去爭取來的！

上回為了要媽到此小住和你起爭執，電話中 我知道你還一直怨著我在父親病時離家。這個事實我是沒法跟你爭，因為我的確是在父親病時離開了台灣，但你說我遺棄父親不管是很傷人。如果你說我離台的時間不對，那什麼時候才是對呢？爸爸從發病到轉了三、四個醫院，從開刀治療，化療、到拒抉化療，住院時間超過一年半，當時爸堅決不做化療，因為太痛苦了。每次去幫他領藥，總是擔心沒有化療他能夠再掙多久。他病了八年才走，辛苦了家中的老少，特別是媽和 Lisa。

想離台是早在爸爸生病之前就計劃了，我也一直因爸爸的久病住院和開刀而延遲成行，我在下決定離台之前也諮訊他的醫生，醫生們告訴我他們己盡所能而無新治療法。結論是，我在二十九歲充滿了罪惡感而離家，從新打拼另一個生命的開始。我的新生活掙扎從沒向任何人提過，因怕家人擔心。移民的過程複雜和新婚的生活適應不是大家想像中的容易。不是只有中國人才有婆媳、父子問題，我們也有家庭困撓，我這中間人卡著難做人。這些種種問題，對一個離家出外打拼的外國人而言，我是不敢打電話回家報怨投訴，更不可能隨時買車票回娘家。在此一個人沒親沒友，一切辛酸只能往自己肚裹吞，因為這一切都是我自己做的決定，而不只是老天爺的安排，怨不得人。

我的生活沒有你想像的多采多姿，你也不須羨慕我。平淡就是褔。你如果是我，也許你不會願意過我的日子。我現在可是非常有能耐、能吃苦的 (訓練的愈來愈像媽)。爸爸的久病和早逝改變我的生命觀 (Nothing could be worse in life.)，我己經不常到處跑了，我也變得較 ”安靜些” 。凡事我都盡力去做，盡力幫忙別人. 宿命？Not really! I am very different from who I was years ago. I may not live till tomorrow; therefore, I decided to live my life fully today.

告訴你和我的其他弟妹, Richard and Lisa:

I love all of you very much! If you ever need me, I will be there for you. 你也加油吧！

Julia1492

For my mother and her family, the marriage was considered a good catch because my dad was a charming young man and his parents were very reputable. What more could she ask for? However, life was not easy for her to be a wife to the first born son and the first daughter-in-law in a large family. Her adult married life was not a smooth peaceful ride. In fact, life was full of disadvantages and disappointments for someone like her who always feels ashamed of not being able to read and write.

After having four children and establishing a hairdressing business, my mother still did not have any chance to go back to school for continued education. She spent her time raising her four children. After my father fell ill to cancer and paralyzed, she took care of my father full time for many years. After my father’s passing, she then moved on to help care for my brother’s children. After my father had passed away, she finally decided to do something that she always wanted to do for herself.

A few years ago, I received a Christmas card in the mail. It was a greeting card from home. My first nephew had just started grade one and he was so adorable. I read the cute writing on the envelope and opened to read some more. Surprisingly, the card was signed by my mother. My mother had gone to school to learn to read and write! Those words were not childish writing done by a 7 year-old. Those were precious print pressed down hard, stroke by stroke, by my mother’s bony hands. I held that card close to my heart and cried my eyes out. For those people who do not appreciate the privilege of education, they just don’t understand how lucky they are, compared to those who luck out in life.

It has been and always will be a struggle for my mother to learn to read and write. But at this point in life, she just wants to do something that she did not get to do long time ago.

Four years ago, when my mother came to visit me, she was studying Japanese in her spare time. We had a giggle about that. Of all foreign languages, why on earth would she pick Japanese? She really should learn English which will eventually benefit her if she ever wants to come to visit me. I guess the truth is she is more familiar with Japanese than English since her generation grew up learning Japanese when Taiwan was occupied under the Japanese rule.

Years ago after my father’s passing, my mother started to volunteer at Tzu Chi Buddhist charity group. She initiated a recycling program within her community. Everyday she would take on those dirty jobs that no one would care to do. She would sort through the garbage at the community parking lot, bundle the cardboard boxes and arrange pick-ups for the recycled waste. We really hate to see her take on heavy workloads while suffering from muscle spasm and arthritis pain. However, she really enjoys what she does!

For years, the community leaders would recognize my mother for her dedication to organize the recycling program. Last year, she finally told the community chair that she would like to decline the recognition because she has no more space on the wall and the shelves to put up those awards, plaques and medals.

“Please stop giving me any awards,” she said. “I am not doing this for any recognition.”

That’s my mother who honestly does not do things for recognition. She only does it because that is the right thing to do. While she thinks that it is nice to be recognized for the efforts, she simply has no space to display all of the awards and those materials eventually will become a waste.

My mother spends a lot of her time working as a volunteer now and that is the reason why she keeps an appointment book. She had to book her time off for me while I was visiting Taiwan. No matter how much we object to her busy schedule, we are just happy to see that she keeps her senior life meaningful and busy. It is still a struggle for my mother to read and write when she tries to collect and record donations or to go to any volunteer workshops.

My mother is a very humble woman because she has been treated by some as an inferior in our society all her life. When we were young, we used to get really upset whenever she was insulted by ignorant comments. We were also upset that she would passively accept the way she was treated. There was only one wish that my mother would bestow upon all of us; that is, to do well in school and to have a good education. She wanted us to have a good education because that was the only painful experience that she had to endure all her life.

I am exceedingly proud of my mother. Her life experience motivates me to take on a learning journey. Because of her, I am the way I am. I love to learn and teach, to help others and to be the voice for those people who are too embarrassed to speak up for themselves. (Pardon my language, but sometimes I am a bit bossy and bitchy, which is a total opposite of my mother.)

That is my mother, a woman without an education, who grew up a farm girl and became a dedicated mother for four of us. I love her!

If the literacy rate in Taiwan is 96.1%, as stated in the Wikipedia, my mother would be one of those 3.9% illiterate population in Taiwan. My mother, like many people in her generation, had very little formal education due to her life circumstances.

My mother had a really hard life. She lost her father when she was less than three years old. My maternal grandfather was a farmer who was accidentally electrocuted by a downed hydro line at the rice field. During the Japanese occupation, life was a devastating hardship for a widowed mother with two young daughters. My grandmother was not entitled to anything because my grandfather was not the oldest son, and certainly there was nothing left for a family with only two daughters as the heirs. 

My grandmother rented a very small rice field from relatives to farm as the main meager income to support her family. My mother and my aunt had only been to school for a couple of years before the war erupted. Everything in life was interrupted for a few years. By the time peace time finally arrived, my mother had already passed her formative years. For a poor family of three females, it was obviously too late for my mother or my aunt to go back to school. My grandmother kept her older daughter home to help her farm the land and made the decision to send my mother away to learn a skill. My mother started her apprenticeship as a hairdresser in the County of Chia-Yi in her early teens.

My mother has my grandmother’s physique and personal traits. She is very petit and very shy with words. She is one of those very traditional Taiwanese women who would rather swallow their pride and plow through the hardship quietly on her own. My mother was a very good apprentice at the salon but she had suffered so much teasing all her life because of her illiteracy. Illiterate people are not ignorant; however, people, including those dear ones in the family, could sometimes put her down with mean and harmful words like adding salt to a wound.

Throughout my education, my mother only went to a PTA meeting once because she did not feel comfortable talking to the teachers about my school work. Although my mother could not help us with any academic work at home, she was the one who had taught us the most important thing in life - work ethics, with endurance and diligence. Honestly, when I was in my teen years, I vowed (so did my sisters) that I would never ever want to turn into my mother who had worked so much all her life for others but never a moment for herself. Now, I think her teaching is truly the one treasure that had brought us to where we are today in life. She taught me to be a better person and made me a better teacher.

To be continued…